Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
