I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
