she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
