Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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