you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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