you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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