her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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