Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
