the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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