Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
