Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We need to rekindle our bromance
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
