I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
