If that was your dad, he is hot
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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