I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
