i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
