ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
