as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
