I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Where did you get a picture of my penis
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
