She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
