well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
