Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
