tell your sister to shave her snatch
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
