He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
