How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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