Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
