Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
