I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I seem to have left my pride at pride
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's official drugs can't kill me
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
