Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cat food counts as protein by the way
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize