You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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