I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
