this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I AM VODKA MAN
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Randomize
