when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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