Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
