you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize