some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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