Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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