It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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