she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
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I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
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After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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