The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
