He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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