Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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