that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
