So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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