listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
operation have a gay friend backfired
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
