guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
my poor anus
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
