I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
