yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
