im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
