yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
