This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
