I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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