In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
