Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
