I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I met the friendliest cop last night
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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