i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
