I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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