And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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