someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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