Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
