Little spoons don't ask big questions
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
