my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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