mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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