do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
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stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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