how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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