Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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