i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
