I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
