Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
