Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
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I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
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I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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