eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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