Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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