just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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