So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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