is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The power of my boobs compel you
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
