She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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